Get less, Pay more
As leading experts in rare insults, we will over-promise and under-deliver as part of the insult for almost no extra cost.
Profession
We not only look like professionals, we are them. Precise planing, research and engineering for our lunch let’s us handle almost every smaller task.
Certification
Aren’t you tired of all the reports with hundreds of pages of what you still need to do? Great! We won’t bother sending you a report after hacking and insulting you. If you really need special certification, we can give you a review on Google or Yelp (e.g. ‘12/10 would hack again.’). Of course this quality certification costs double.
Expertise
We learned all the good stuff from movies. We wear black hoodies. And most important we own Guy Fawkes masks. This makes us real experts in our field and let’s us exceed what others lack in experience. Combine this with all our other strengths and you get a Power Rangers like Megazord. (Disclaimer: The Megazord is mostly made out of cheap plastics so it is very likely to break.)
Volume Discount
You like the attention, so you made it a habit of getting ransomwared? Maybe you should check out our volume discount with a ‘buy-10-get-1-free’ sticker card. (Disclaimer: Only available as a monthly subscription; additional costs may arise)
World Wide Network
With our world wide network of customers and ransomware groups we can help you both out by bringing you together. You can get quality recommendations like ‘Companies that got ransomwared by this group, were also ransomwared by these groups’. We will then help you with initially contacting the specific ransomware groups.